THE COST OF HAVING BIG EYES.

I live and breathe Africa.

I am one of the rare African thinkers who lives among his people, spending time in markets and farms, attending funerals, listening more than speaking, and conducting most of daily life in African languages.

I observe from inside, not from a distance. Not in conference rooms. Not online.

And from that vantage point, one truth has become impossible to ignore:

We have a promiscuity problem, and it is quietly bankrupting us.

Across social classes, from university students to senior managers, ministers, and executives, the same pattern repeats. Men and women compulsively, addictively, and purposelessly pursue sex, spending incalculable amounts of time, energy, and attention feeding desire with no higher aim.

Today, the internal definition of male success has collapsed into a crude metric: the number of women a man has slept with.

This is not harmless indulgence.

This is not private morality.

This is a structural failure costing African nations their competitiveness.

The Portfolio of Distraction

Here is the typical portfolio of distraction I have observed repeatedly:

Active affairs: 3 women

Each requires emotional maintenance, secrecy, scheduling, and constant lie management.

Courtships: 4 new women

A continuous drain of first-impression energy, promises, future-faking, and expectation-setting.

Exes in orbit: 10

A ghost chorus of past intimacies resurfacing randomly for money, emotional support, nostalgia, or crisis, each demanding cognitive detours.

The neglected core

One wife, quietly despairing, and three children competing for scraps of attention against a harem of strangers.

The real cost is not sex.

The real cost is administration.

Promiscuity Management is an Invisible Labor

Messages.

Calls.

Emotional negotiations.

Reassurances.

Apologies.

Avoidance.

Repeated explanations. Rewritten lies. Soft-toned evasions.

Passive-aggressive silences that demand more attention than open conflict.

This is not pleasure.

This is unpaid, never-ending management work.

Here is a fictional Day in the Life of a Promiscuous Manager

5:30 to 6:30 a.m. Waking Already Behind

He wakes up tired, not the honest fatigue of work well done, but the dull exhaustion of fragmented nights.

His phone lights up before his mind does.

One woman upset he did not reply properly last night.

Another sending a long voice note about her problems at work.

A third asking for money, framed as a joke.

Two unread messages from women he is courting, already irritated by his delay.

One missed call from an ex at 1:17 a.m.

A passive-aggressive good morning from his wife.

A school reminder about fees and uniforms for the children.

Before he is fully awake, he is already negotiating emotional debt.

By the time he showers, he has responded to none properly, but has spent mental energy on all of them.

7:00 to 8:30 a.m. Family Without Presence

Breakfast is happening. Presence is not.

His wife speaks. He nods.

One child asks a question. He answers distractedly.

Another demands attention. He promises later.

His phone vibrates on the table. He flips it screen-down, but his mind flips with it.

This is the first attention split of the day:

Father

Husband

Lover times three

Hunter of four prospects

Emotional support for ten exes

None are fully served.

9:00 to 11:00 a.m. At Work, But Not Available

He arrives at the office with intelligence, status, and raw talent. People respect him. He could be formidable.

But he rereads emails twice.

He postpones decisions that should take ten minutes.

He delegates vaguely instead of decisively.

He loses his train of thought mid-meeting.

Between meetings, interruptions arrive.

One woman is confused about where this is going.

Another threatens silence, which demands even more attention.

An ex sends a message beginning with “I do not usually do this, but…”

Each interaction requires emotional calibration.

What tone.

What promise.

What delay.

What lie of omission.

His cognition is not taxed by difficulty, but by multiplicity.

11:00 a.m. to 1:00 p.m. Micro-Leaks Everywhere

This should be deep work time. Instead, it is liability management.

Short calls.

Long messages.

Apologies.

Reassurances.

Humor.

Deflection.

Each exchange is small.

Together, they are enormous.

His rival, monogamous, loyal, boring to gossip about, is uninterrupted.

One wife. One household. One emotional channel.

He is in flow.

Our man is in constant context-switching, the enemy of excellence.

1:00 to 2:00 p.m. Lunch That Is Not Rest

Lunch includes sending money, scheduling lies, promising visits he will later cancel, and avoiding being seen by the wrong person.

There is no restoration.

Only maintenance.

2:00 to 6:00 p.m. Diminishing Returns

The afternoon exposes the cost.

His ideas are still good, but less sharp.

His follow-through weakens.

Details slip.

Opportunities pass unnoticed.

A strategic email from a partner sits unanswered for hours.

A “Why are you ignoring me?” message gets an instant reply.

This is not about intelligence.

It is about attention sovereignty, which he no longer controls.

Evening The Second Shift

Work ends. The real labor begins.

One woman expects dinner.

Another expects a call.

A third demands proof of exclusivity.

The wife expects presence.

The children expect a father.

He juggles schedules like a failing logistics manager.

By night, he drinks with friends.

He engages in physical intimacy that consumes rather than restores energy.

He sleeps late, mind buzzing, unresolved threads everywhere.

The Time Cost of Promiscuity

In an 18-hour waking day:

- Direct harem management: approximately 4.5 hours

Texting, calling, sex logistics, emotional drama, and financial transfers.

- Indirect fallout: approximately 3 hours

Fatigue recovery, guilt, mental detours, and compensating for family neglect.

- Family attention: approximately 1.5 hours

Fragmented, reactive, low-quality.

- Work: approximately 6 hours

With output equivalent to 3 or 4 hours of focused effort.

- Personal needs and socializing: approximately 3 hours.

Total promiscuity-related time: approximately 7.5 hours, or 42 percent of the day.

This does not include the cognitive overhead, the constant background noise that halves his effective intelligence even when he appears free.

Why He Cannot Compete

- Bandwidth deficit: His rival invests all cognitive capital into strategy and execution. He operates at a fraction of that.

- Trust capital: The rival builds deep, reliable alliances. He practices deception daily, and it leaks into his professional life.

- Energy reserves: The rival’s energy is consolidated and renewed at home. His is dissipated across multiple fronts.

- Unity of purpose: The rival’s life is integrated. His is a civil war.

Locally, he may survive on charm and talent.

Globally, he is obsolete.

While he manages jealousy and secrecy, his rival builds institutions and leaves a legacy.

The self-disciplined man is not morally superior.

He is structurally superior.

And what of the women in this portfolio?

They too are paying a tax.

Waiting for men who will never fully arrive.

Raising children with absent fathers.

Mistaking attention for commitment.

The promiscuity economy impoverishes everyone it touches.

Wives grow quietly bitter, their partnership reduced to logistics and resentment.

Children learn that fathers are figures who appear and disappear, whose presence is never guaranteed.

Mistresses and courtships waste years on promises that were never meant to be kept.

This is not a problem confined to men.

It is a societal architecture of mutual impoverishment.

A Question for You

How many women are in your portfolio of distraction?

How many hours did you lose this week, not to work, not to family, but to sex partners maintenance?

If you tallied it honestly, would you be proud of the ledger?

This is not a call to purity.

It is a call to strategy.

The world is competing for Africa’s future.

China is investing.

Europe is restructuring.

America is recalibrating.

The question is whether you will be in that fight, or too busy replying to a message at 1:17 a.m.

Your talent is not in question.

Your intelligence is not in question.

Your potential is not in question.

Your priorities are.