𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐂𝐋𝐀𝐒𝐒 𝐓𝐄𝐀𝐂𝐇𝐄𝐑

Teachers make good wives/husbands.  It's in the constitution.  Nurses/Doctors sitaongea mengi.  Most Business women (Successful ones) are unmarried.  Don't try to marry them, son. Wekea mkewe biashara. Ukiona inashika sana anaenda kuomoka, tuma wezi na uuwe mmoja wao. Ibeni lakini mbakishe kidogo. Mpe pesa ya stock tena. Repeat. Sitawafunza kila kitu, cabrons..!

If you go missing for seven years without anyone hearing from you, the law presumes that you are dead. A court may then declare you dead, and the date of that declaration becomes the official date of death that appears on your death certificate. This means your relatives are legally allowed to inherit your land and property—while we, your neighbours, go ahead and distribute your women among ourselves. If you suddenly re-emerge in the eighth year as a “returning officer,” you have no legal right to reclaim what was previously yours. The lesson, therefore, is simple. Anyone who chooses to 'enter grass' must always return within six years to beat this law. If necessary, you may then disappear again and again. This is one of those pieces of humour that somehow found its way into the law books (the Evidence Act). I also remember a similar touch of humour in the 2010 Constitution. Article 14 on citizenship states that if a child is found anywhere in Kenya, appears to be eight years ...

The dating market in Togo The new rule of the capitalistic dating market is "take options". This rule says ‘save people you wish to date and be patient until they ran out of options or reach some dead ends and start going back through their past pretenders address book.’ In Togo, nowadays people delay engagement or relationships, preferring flix and chill, casuals, trying partners from all races and tribes, and would only start looking for a partner when tired of adventure, ran out options, or when a pregnancy would occur. ‘Save me until I’d ran out of option’ is the new motto. Patience is the new best courtisan skill. ‘I have not fucked around enough to settle. Look how many people I could afford to bed, why would I choose any now’. As sex became abundant and trust evaporated, people enter relationships very cynically, almost resentful of the social obligation of being in couple which is depriving them of the freedom of living as they wish. People would start a couple out of...

Little foxes that destroy the bloom. There are places that slowly but surely take down your pride and grace, it is not grand but it is incrementally degrading. Slowly. I have observed over the years that it is usually a mismatch of energy, you may not always know what someone's intention is, or what they do or say behind your back but you can always tell a person's energy is off, you can even feel it while away if you take time to listen to your psyche more.  People who do not like you may not openly say something grande, but they may throw snide comments, show disdain covertly, avoid eye contact when they sneer or jest at you. The eyes are the gateway or windows to the soul, you stare at them and you might learn a thing or two. Songs of Solomon says, catch us the little foxes because it is those that destroy the vineyard flowers before they even bloom. Some things and some people do not often affect the grand, they are masters at identifying signs of blooming, your little effo...

1. "Be careful whom you trust; salt and sugar look alike." — Japanese Proverb 2. "Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere." — Martin Luther King Jr. 3. "An army of sheep led by a lion will defeat an army of lions led by a sheep." — Arabic Proverb 4. "The only way to deal with this unjust world is to rebel against it." — Albert Camus 5. "Those who seek to control others are often those who cannot control themselves." — Marcus Aurelius 6. "If something goes wrong, fix it. But train yourself not to worry—worrying never fixes anything." — Ernest Hemingway 7. "The one who lives for others will be remembered far longer than the one who lives only for himself." — Leo Tolstoy 8. "Wisdom is knowing when to speak, and intelligence is knowing when to stay silent." — Socrates 9. "A broken heart teaches you lessons that success never will." — Khalil Gibran 10. "Beware of those who...

The old idea is simple: if a kid from a poor family is smart, works hard, and behaves well, they can climb the ladder to a better life. That’s supposed to be the deal. But that deal is broken. Because being smart and skilled isn’t enough if you’re never given the tools. When we deny these children access to great teachers and good schools, it’s not an accident. It’s a choice. It’s a quiet kind of class war, where the wealthy protect their own children’s future by fencing off the best opportunities and shutting out the competition. Talent and intelligence aren’t handed out based on income. A brilliant mind can be born anywhere. But a brilliant education? That’s increasingly for sale. It’s slowly becoming a luxury item, reserved for those who can pay. Think about the sheer numbers. There are more kids in poor neighborhoods than in wealthy enclaves. So the pool of potential, the hidden Einsteins, the unseen innovators, is actually far greater among the poor. But their potentia...

A Chinese and an African met in Europe. CHINESE: Xhenxhi Honhong is my name AFRICAN: Nice to meet you, my name is Emmanuel Noël de Souza CHINOIS: So you are not African but Franco-Brazilian? AFRICA N: of course, I am African CHINESE: And your name is Emmanuel Noël De Souza? AFRICAN: Yes, I owe my parents that pretty name. CHINESE: Even the names to wear that do not require any technique, no technology, you are not able to produce by yourselves , you have to import them . We didn't know that before. We will start right now manufacturing names to sell them to you. It is out of the question that we leave this vast and affordable name market to Europeans. And you will prefer our names for a well-known reason: "Made in China" is always cheaper. AFRICAN: You also make jokes , so that's fine. And what are you doing here? CHINOIS: I study neuroscience and I'm also very interested in robotics. I also give classes on Chinese civilization at the University D of...

I live and breathe Africa. I am one of the rare African thinkers who lives among his people, spending time in markets and farms, attending funerals, listening more than speaking, and conducting most of daily life in African languages. I observe from inside, not from a distance. Not in conference rooms. Not online. And from that vantage point, one truth has become impossible to ignore: We have a promiscuity problem, and it is quietly bankrupting us. Across social classes, from university students to senior managers, ministers, and executives, the same pattern repeats. Men and women compulsively, addictively, and purposelessly pursue sex, spending incalculable amounts of time, energy, and attention feeding desire with no higher aim. Today, the internal definition of male success has collapsed into a crude metric: the number of women a man has slept with. This is not harmless indulgence. This is not private morality. This is a structural failure costing African nations their c...

Most married men in their 40s and 50s are single!  These are the men who spend their evenings in bars till past midnight when they go home to find their wives dead asleep. Nothing excites them going home early.  If you ask them they will tell you the once happy insititution of marriage no longer exists. The wives became too busy with work, they no longer romance as before, the wives became rude etc.  This is the life men with one wife go through.  Now, if these fellows want to bring that insitution of marriage back- the happy old days, they need to marry another wife who should be probably in her late 20s or early 30s.  The first wife who's busy will see competition and she will up her game and change for better. The newly married wife will want to make Mzee happy by bringing in her best to him.  The married-single man will then start living like a lion.  Polygamy solves a lot of family issues.  Viva polygamy N/B This post is meant to annoy a busy...

You can’t help but get pissed when you see women driving SUVs and living in leafy suburbs, while my boys are stuck in single room shacks. The only green they know is the sewage of their own shit flowing through Paipu and Umoja. Truth is, we lost this game a long time ago. The problem is we are still playing by the same rules while they keep winning. Instead of facing it, those with inferiority complexes turn on the ladies and dismiss their hustle. We do not admit they have become better dribblers in this ball game called life. Instead, we shout from the roadside as SUVs pass, calling them kept women, mistresses, “mapoko wa masonko,” “wife ya dosi,” or inheritance. Meanwhile, we waste hours at the car wash plotting quickies with Adhiambo or joking about Njeri moving from Umoja to South B. What we miss is that the same Njeri is saving every shilling to clear her Sacco loan for a plot in Kitengela. I am not here to tell men not to seek exclusivity with their kept women. Men need safe spac...

The wife's first instinct once she gets home, is to tell you - the husband - about her entire day.  First, she'll diss whoever irritates her in the office.  You'll hear of the obnoxious HR, who gets double ration from Mama Chai.  "Imagine M'Babaz anakula mandazi nane tukikula mbili mbili ...." Your role as the husband is to shake your head, and mutter something like: Wololo 😊 Stacy, the Secretary, has never been in her good books since she drunkenly hugged you in that office party, circa 2010.  This time, Stacy has begun a side gig - selling bras from the boot of her Vitz.  "Babe, imagine anakuletea Size D ninunue. Mi nakaa kuvaa Size D? Nkt".  She'll dive into office politics. How so-and-so is still drawing hardship allowance though it's a year since they transferred back from Dadaab.  "Ile siku atanijaribu, atanijua. Nitasimamisha huto tupesa na vile loan imemkalia...." 🙂 You, the husband - know very well she's the major pro...

In Class 5 at Itongo Sengera Primary School, our teacher of English was the headmaster, Mr. Mosongo. He was a man from my village… and the most white-looking black man I’ve ever seen.  One afternoon after break, he strolled in with English Aid, that tiny little book from hell, and his signature warm smile, a smile that vanished instantly and turned into horror when he got annoyed.  Now… next door, in Class 6, Mr. Morimbocho was forcing pupils to understand .. And no, he wasn’t using a microphone! His mouth was the microphone. And because Class 6 had no door — like most rooms in our school — his voice blasted right into ours.  Honestly, if the school wanted to raise money for doors, they could just rent him out as a sound system for church crusades. Anyway… Mosongo started teaching. The topic was Countable and Uncountable Nouns and the focus of the day was uncountable nouns.  Water, milk — uncountable. Money — uncountable.  He added examples like, "How much water...

"From good people you’ll learn good, but if you mingle with the bad you’ll destroy such soul as you had."  - Musonius Rufus, quoting Theognis of Megara, Lectures, 11.53.21–22 Explanation: - Musonius Rufus, through the words of Theognis, emphasizes the profound impact of our social environment on our moral and ethical development. - The quote suggests that associating with virtuous people leads to learning and cultivating goodness, whereas spending time with those of questionable character can have a detrimental effect on one’s soul or moral integrity. - It underscores the importance of being selective about our associations and the influence of others on our personal growth and ethical stance. Practical Action for the Day: - Reflect on your current social circles and interactions.  - Consider the influence these relationships have on your character and values.  - Make a conscious effort to spend more time with people who inspire and encourage your personal and moral growt...

An aeroplane cleaner was cleaning the Pilot's cockpit, when he saw a book titled,  "HOW TO FLY AN AEROPLANE FOR BEGINNERS (Volume 1) He opened the first page which said: "To start the engine, press the red button...". He did so, and the airplane engine started. He was happy and opened the next page. "To get the airplane moving, press the blue button.  "He did so, and the plane started moving at an amazing speed. He wanted to fly, so he opened the third (3rd) page which said:  To let the airplane fly, please press the green button.  "He did so and the plane started to fly. He was excited! After twenty (20) minutes of flying, he was satisfied, and wanted to land, so he decided to go to the fourth (4th) page... and page four (4) says; "To be able to know how to land a plane, please purchase Volume 2 at the nearest bookshop!" MORAL LESSON  Never attempt anything without complete information Half Education is not only dangerous but des...

Non Series The Modigliani Scandal (1976) Paper Money (1977) Eye of the Needle (1978) Triple (1979) The Key to Rebecca (1980) The Man from St Petersburg (1982) Lie Down with Lions (1985) Night Over Water (1991) A Dangerous Fortune (1993) A Place Called Freedom (1995) The Third Twin (1996) The Hammer of Eden (1998) Code to Zero (2000) Jackdaws (2001) Hornet Flight (2002) Whiteout (2004) Never (2021) Non-fiction On Wings of Eagles (1983) Notre-Dame (2019) The Century Trilogy Fall of Giants (2010) Winter of the World (2012) Edge of Eternity (2014) The Kingsbridge Series The Evening and the Morning (2020) The Pillars of the Earth (1989) World Without End (2007) A Column of Fire (2017) The Armor of Light (2023

A scorpion and a frog are sitting on the bank of a river, and both need to get to the other side. “Hello, Mr. Frog!” calls the scorpion through the reeds. “Would you be so kind as to give me a ride on your back across the water? I have important business to conduct on the other side. And I cannot swim in such a strong current.” The frog immediately becomes suspicious. “Well, Mr. Scorpion,” he replies, “I appreciate the fact that you have important business to conduct on the other side of the river. But just take a moment to consider your request. You are a scorpion. You have a large stinger at the end of your tail. As soon as I let you onto my back, it is entirely within your nature to sting me.” The scorpion, who has anticipated the frog’s objections, counters thus: “My dear Mr. Frog, your reservations are perfectly reasonable. But it is clearly not in my interest to sting you. I really do need to get to the other side of the river. And I give you my word that no harm will come to you...

A Maasai man walks into a bank in NAIROBI and asks for the loan officer. He tells the loan officer that he is going to DUBAI on business for four weeks and needs to borrow 5,000. The bank officer tells him that bank will need some form of security for the loan, so the maasai man hands over the keys of his Mercedes Benz S class 500 parked on the street in front of the bank. Produces the log book and everythinh FC   gvgggggvvvvcccvvcvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv  vvvg     c           v6 ya 6y you 6y66y6yy6yy666 y g 66y out. The loan officer agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the maasai for using a KSH 15 Million Mercedes Benz as collateral against a 5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then drives the Mercedes Benz into the bank's underground garage and parks it there. Four weeks later, the maasai returns, repays the 5,000 and the interest, which comes to 150...

Freedom is misunderstood. There’s a focus on being able to do, or to choose. Think about your local supermarket, and the freedom you have to pick any sort of cereal. Any sort! So much freedom to do what you want, on the major and minor levels. But what about freedom from? Don’t get me wrong. I love freedom to do whatever I want; but how often do I use it? How often am I prevented by subtle, invisible walls inside me that prevent me from boarding flights, finding new restaurants, or breaking my routines? I don’t blame myself, you know. That’s human. Routine is often quite nice. But not always. And it’s worth examining when we limit our own freedoms. That’s because freedom to, while rightly celebrated, has an oft-ignored sister. And that’s the freedom from. Freedom from includes freedom from internal limits. It involves freedom from desires that lead you by the nose into unthinking patterns. If you want to be rich, that’s fine. That’s a choice you’re free to take. But freedom from that r...

It is the losers’ ambition to succeed on others’ hard earned positions. The mere word “bootlicker” or sycophant brings out so many fervent memories of cartoonish people who were desperate to achieve things in life… but unfortunately on their own they are scum bags… They are like Hydra in Greek mythology… Every time you cut off one head… two more would grow to replace it… They come from all spheres of life… from across all breeds of human race… and since the dawn of humanity… Perharps they have found a fertile ground in the politics of Kenya and social media has become their effective tool of trade Well they function exactly as parasites… hooking on the prey, feeding on it and manipulating it for their own benefit… like stomach worms… feed on your food… make you sick and make you crave for foods and lifestyles you never really wanted to adopt… Characteristics of a Sycophant are as follows: Excessively Sweet This is one of the classic traits of a sycophant. He talks very swee...